An Ode to Shame: Eileen by Ottessa Moshfegh
Eileen is Ottessa Moshfegh’s jarring, filth-filled debut novel, which meditates on what it means to be stuck in life. There is no concealing the nature of young Eileen, and we are taken on this journey through the narration of a much older Eileen reminiscing on who she was the week leading up to her leaving behind her old life for a new one. Set in Massachusetts during the 1960s, Eileen lives at home taking care of her father, an abusive, alcoholic ex-cop who drinks gin and fends off imaginary foes who terrorize him in and outside of their dilapidated house. She describes herself as being “unhappy and angry all the time,” fantasizing about icicles mangling her body in various ways. Eileen spends her days working at a private juvenile correctional facility for teenage boys, or in her own words, “a prison for children.”
She languishes in her disgustingness. She suffers from chronic constipation (most likely due to her diet of bread, milk, and peanuts) and takes dozens of laxatives, seemingly multiple times a week, to have “oceanic shits.” She hates showering, waiting for her filth to become unbearable before cleaning herself. She smells. Eileen, at the age of 24, is more animal than human.
Eileen is a self-described prude. She says that, “I would give nothing to aid any imagining of my naked body,” a body which she underfeeds in an effort not develop a woman’s body. She judges any woman who dresses even slightly promiscuously. Refusing to wear clothes of her own, she wears her dead mother’s clothes, which are often too large for her. Eileen’s strange relationship with sexuality is further distorted by the few experiences she does have, none of which are positive. Despite all of this, she spends her free time stalking one of the younger prison guards and fantasizes about being cared for and desired by him. This aspect – at odds with her otherwise heartless demeanor – is a glimmer of Eileen’s true desires to be loved and accepted.
What it all boils down to is shame. Shame about her body, about her desires, about her behavior, about her thoughts, about everything. Eileen doesn’t care about her filth, or the abuse she takes from her father, or that she starves herself. She cannot care about these things because her shame, as much as it has motivated and dehumanized her, has also paralyzed her. She thinks she deserves nothing, so she acts like she is worth nothing. For all intents and purposes, Eileen is waiting for death.
Rebecca is the catalyst for change in Eileen’s life. Rebecca is not someone Eileen should connect with or like, as she is almost too perfect. Eileen’s feelings surrounding Rebecca are anything but normal. Her obsession with Rebecca evolves rapidly, and everything in Eileen’s life seems to fall away in the presence of a person who feels god-like in the eyes of our narrator. Rebecca is an enigma for the reader and Eileen. Rebecca takes notice of Eileen and is the first person to actively pursue a relationship with her. What ensues between the two women shifts Eileen’s life to a new trajectory and allows her to abandon her old, disgusting, and shameful life with no regrets.
Moshfegh wrestles with the grime of humanity with a deft hand. There is no question that some people will leave the book believing that Eileen deserves everything she has suffered. The sheer amount of detail that Moshfegh gives us paints a perfect picture of who Eileen is, and she is hard to defend at times. Moshfegh does not want you to be comfortable with Eileen. In fact, every character has glaring faults. Even Rebecca is revealed to have flaws. The continuous moral failings and rash decisions of the characters cannot be ignored. This is not always good, as it dulls the suspense. Every page feels at risk of exploding with some sort of outrageous statement or vile thought. The turns for the worse aren’t even that surprising because of how dreary everything is. The reader is left with little to no faith in anyone behaving reasonably.
Perhaps the only hopefulness that comes from the book is from the older Eileen, who recounts all these memories with no shame. She makes sharp, insightful comments throughout the book and grounds the reader, reassuring them of a brighter future for their heroine. The older Eileen is “thankful for another day,” something that younger Eileen and the reader might have thought impossible.
There was never a moment when my attention was lost. Eileen drags you through the mud, but most readers will find it hard to turn away. Just like it is hard to look away from a car crash, it is hard to put down Eileen. I cheered for Eileen despite my disgust with her. At the end of the day, we all want what she does: love and acceptance. Perhaps that’s what Moshfegh’s goal was with her debut novel. To be disgusted by someone and yet still cheer for their freedom. To see someone’s shame and wish for them to prosper. To see someone’s vile behavior and still say they deserve peace.
